Tuesday, August 30, 2011

What a beginning of a difficult day!

Started off the day with a migraine and have a bad case of depression. Three of the younger kids crying for mommy at the start of the day. Heartbreaking to say the least. A son in law who did not know how to handle the situation as he is dealing with his own case of depression over the situation. Which leaves me to step up to bat and handle it. Which I did because that was what was needed. 

Along the same note, I hate the beginning of school year......someone brought home a stomach of course I am the one affected with it as I am most likely to be the one with it. Well that is what happened. On top of it yep you guessed it I got it!

Today is also a busy day. I have to run about Susie and get what has to be done before the others get home. and when nap comes I have to mop floors. 

I swear I am fed up with dogs escaping and running off. This is the decision, since 2 of them got out and was gone for over 3 hours they brought themselves home. So no more panicking about it. I will not search for them again. The only one I will worry about is Goliath. Because he usually will not come home.  Him I will chase down....

Have I mentioned I hate laundry behind 5 kids. Stan and I have the least amount of clothes of the bunch. It is all I can do to keep up with housework behind 5 kids and everything to do with the upkeep of the house and them.    

I have to laugh last nite Lorelei had some peanut butter cookies and sacha got down off the cage and ran to her to get one of them and then made a beeline back to his cage. lol so cute it was. 

I am so proud of all the birds, they handle a high busy house with 5 kids and the large dogs really well. my two Birdie and Sacha had never been around either of them. They have adjusted really well and they both love the kids. Birdie has finally stopped chasing them and will go over and sit on them when they are on the floor and they will step up and interact with all of them. Sacha is a bit more selective who he interacts with. But if it involves food, he don't care who he begs it from. lol.....does not matter if it is Stan or the kids. And Birdie who hates men, he loves to interact with Stan. And Sacha who attacked Donny every chance he got, well he will step up and interact with Stan also. It is so amazing to see the change in both of them. They will get down and explore the house. I have found Sacha all the way down the hall into the master bedroom. or over by the garage door in the kitchen. if I have laundry baskets he will climb up in them. Meekit loves the baskets as well. And my little guy who never said anything but peek a boo, is an accomplished talker. Now remember he is 8 yrs old. it is amazing the way my 2 have turned around. Sacha is even growing feathers back slowly but he is. so proud of him. 

now all I have to do is turn Alf around. It was my daughter's goffin cockatoo. He would not let anyone handle him, even her rarely. As long as he is on his cage he is aggressive, and recently floor aggressive. When off the cage he will interact with me as long as I sit in the recliner between the 2 cages. Alf will come down and join me with Birdie and Sacha. Birdie will interact with Alf in that setting, and Sacha not at all. When Alf gets on their cage they put him/her off the cage as it is their cage. 

I got to run laters

Thursday, August 18, 2011


 This Lorelei Renee, She is 3 yrs old and I call her my wild child because of her hair.

 Stan with his twin Steven and Susannah
 Lissa and I with the 3 older kids at easter 2007
 Stan and Lissa with the 3 oldest kids at easter 2007
This is from left to right, Alexander Ray 5yrs old, Lorelei Renee 3 yrs old, Stanley Ray 34 yrs old, Susannah Faith 19 months old, Caelyn Elise 9 yrs old, Gabriel Patrick, 7 yrs old.
 Alex in front yard

 Caelyn in front yard
The three girls by age. Caelyn, Lorelei, Susannah

This  is the photo memory that was used at the memorial service. This is my beautiful daughter at different times through the life of the kids and the one on her wedding day. 

 Caelyn playing her violin for us.
Caelyn practice singing Amazing Grace that she sang at the memorial service for her mother.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

What a flipping morning

This started last night with him screaming at me over a netflix envelope that was suppose to be on the dresser by the tv and it was not there. Of course it was not there while cleaning his room (which by the way was trashed and took me almost 3 hours to clean it) one of the kids had knocked  the stack of papers on the floor so any papers that was anything and not trash papers like flyers and such and broken cds and dvds on the floor, under his bed and under the crib and dropping the crib down which I had asked several times for him to do it and Lissa had asked several times for him to do it also.  I  had put them in the box by the tv. and in his fit he just dumped the box on the bed. Which I told him and that was where it was. He does not ever say sorry. You can be sure I will not yelled at and he will be broke of it. 

This morning did not start off that flipping great. I had a son in law screaming at me over his damn socks that he swore he washed and I found 3 of them out there and if that was not enough he went ballistic with me because the clothes that was hers that was in the laundry I put in a bag in the closet and moved her clothes that was hanging so that I could hang all the stuff that has to be hung in there. omg you would have thought I committed a sin.

Anyway he was told he would not scream and yell at me that way. I will not deal with it on top of keeping the house clean and everything done and taking care of 5 kids which 3 are special needs on a daily basis. I am with these children all day and most the nights as he works double shifts to make his hours so that we have mondays and thursdays for doctor appts and such. I do not get time away from them very much so I treasure my quite times in the afternoons.   I know he is stressed but my god so am I. I get a few hours away when I go to the drs as none of them get in a hurry and I am there for good bit. 

The one thing I have taken on me is that I have started to have my nails done again after a long time of not having them. I have worn them since 1992. It is something that makes me feel good and I need that. I take Caelyn with me and we make it a girly time as she is such a big help with everything I try to lighten the stuff she does because before I moved in she was the one taking care of the little ones and dealing with the fighting and seeing to mommy. I want her to be able to still be a girl and not have to have that responsibility on her. 

Today is laundry day here. Everyone but Susie is hanging clothes that have to hung and to there rooms. I am tired of it piling up as to this point it was all up to me to do. and by god they are going to learn to do there own laundry after it is washed. That is part of their responsibility along with keeping there rooms clean. 

Every afternoon I enforce a quiet time for 2 hours a day for me to recharge me as it is very difficult if I do not have that break. I work on handwork and listen to tv while doing it. The boys protest it quite strongly. I am trying to break them from running in every few minutes to see if it is over with yet. drives me crazy! So I am giving them a clock and setting a alarm that at that point they are allowed out of their room. The girls go to their room also. They are free to play, read or whatever but if they drag toys out they have to be put up before leaving the room. And my granddaughter is very good at hiding dirty clothes in her room so once week I have to go in there and pull them out and I give her a good scolding and since that is not working then she is going to be losing a privilege that she likes to do. i usually do not have trouble from her but the clothes issue is a major one here as with school starting they have been told their is going to be spotless by sunday nite because I was not going to kill myself with constantly  cleaning behind them. lets get real here never in my wildest imagination did I ever expect to be raising my 5 grandchildren. Let me tell you I walked in on kids with no rules and would not listen to anyone. within a week that got started on a change and it will stand. they have 2 pages of house rules on the wall and we go over them every week. we have a chore list of what has to be done every day for all of us, not assigned ones they know that if I tell them to do it they had better get busy and do it. As I sit here typing this I have La La snugled up with me. Most likely she will be taking an early nap. She got in trouble and some days she just does deal well with it. and her day started of on the wrong foot as Alex bit her on the arm. her day and mine are in the bucket.

I got to go, I have 2 fighting and it is going on lunch time here now so feeding the wild kids is a chore with some of them. 

See you on the flip side.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Been awhile

 Been several months since writing on here. Just has been so hectic here. When I moved in with my daughter in March. I came straight here from jail. She was having serious health issues. At that time she handed over the running of the household and kids and all of it to me to take care of. I did and am still doing it.  And the doctors were not moving fast enough to get her in surgery as it was canceled twice because of thyroid being hyperthyroidism and not stable enough yet to do the surgery. So as each day and week and month passed I saw her health get worse and worse. and in May she was put on a walker as she could barely hold herself up to walk without falling. she was going to physical therapy twice a week. I was praying they would get her taken care of in time. 

In July her birthday was the 3rd. She was really bad off. On the morning of the 16th I had finished a quilt that I was handquilting for her to use for a lovie as to her that is what the quilts I made she knew and felt the love I had for her because it was quilted with love.  I told her she needed to go to the emergency room. I went back into the front of the house to feed the kids breakfast and feed and water the parrots and was gone maybe 25 minutes. and I went back in to see if she was getting ready. She was not in the bed and Stan was dosing. As he did not sleep much the nite before this. I had come by the bathroom and looked in the bathroom as I came by and did not see her as she was not on the toilet. He said she was in the bathroom and omg I backed up and looked she was in the floor. We had to force the door open to get to her. He did cpr as I called 911. I knew and so did he when we looked at her she was blue. I put all the kids to their rooms as I did not want them to see their mother that way. It has been a nightmare for us and we are still devastated by her loss. we are dealing with it the best we can. I have advised to go to grief counselling as I am having a really really hard time with her loss. Today is one month she has been gone and the pain of her loss is still there stronger than ever and I know it will be a long time coming before I can get through it. I held it together more when my mom passed away. The pain there has lessened but I still feel it there especially at her birthday and mothers day. 
The older kids know and understand what happened. The 5 yr old is just now starting to have issues with the loss as is the 3 yr old the only one really not affected as bad is the baby. 

They do have issues when I leave the house and am gone for a while. They are afraid that I will not come home also. and it takes a good bit for me to calm them down. and that is all 5 of them that feel that way.

Stan is having a harder time of losing her because he loved her with all his heart and soul. And he loves the children the same way. I will be staying with them and taking care of them and the household. He just has to pay the bills and work. I take care of the rest here. I love him like a son, considering the fact that my own two sons have no use for me in there lives. my oldest has told me how much he hates me and all with his sister has passed away. so no son there and the youngest had told me years ago he did not need me in his life as a mother or otherwise. I have had to deal with the pain of the loss of him as I never in my wildest thoughts that he would do that at all. but I misjudged him and I not only blame him but his father as well for what happened. Talk about feeling like a failure at life with 4 bad marriages behind me and the boys telling me that. Lissa was my baby in all the that mattered to me, and I treasure the relationship I had with Lissa that much more because I turned the love I had for my children all to her and the grand babies and stan. That has not changed. I treasure them more beyond belief as that is all I have of her and I see her in each and everyone of them. Susannah is the exact imagine of her mother. The others some do favor her. Caelyn looks like both them and the boys more like him and the 2 youngest favor their mommy. 
I have to close this out I have been up since 6:30 am the dogs got me up they had to go out.