Saturday, January 30, 2010

It is a bad day

There is nothing like not being able to do stuff and the person who has to do it because they know why you can't act like it is a real pain and this is after god knows how many beers already this morning. This is what makes me wish that I was not married. When you are made to feel like a burden because of circumstances that you have no control over.

It is a bad day anyway, when to bed with headache got up with headache and rainy weather. sure do not help things. nor is it when I do stuff I should not do and am hurting really bad. because if I leave it to him it would never get done. the parrots are mine therefore he feels he should not have to do anything for them or help with trying to clean cages even if it is just changing the cage papers. so who does that leave? me that is who.

I think I will be going in to sit with the parrots soon and do a little handwork then I most like will be ready for a nap. will try to add more later

Friday, January 29, 2010

Just musing

this week has been a busy week with tests and dr appts. I was so hoping to lose all the additional things that came home with me from the hospital but I have to go for more tests to see if it can be done safely or not. Next week is another repeat of this week. after I go for these by the time I get home I have to lay down and I am out for hours. which is a pain. when you see someone sleeping you would think that the person would leave you alone. but not my hubby he wakes me up several times. for bullshit stuff. he is carrying his mr helplessness a bit to far and I jumped him for it today. had all I could take of it. Lets face it he is 53 and past time to have grown up. or at least you would think so.

I am so tired of being sick and nonfunctioning for lack of better word as I am very limited on what I am suppose to be doing. (but having to do stuff anyway or it would not be done) but if you have a husband that even though he knows how serious this has been that acts like a child and throws tantrums because he is still having to do stuff instead of his normal routine. which is come home drink beer take a shower take his dinner to his room and watch tv and sleep and then will throw another tantrum when I tell him the parrots are going to bed. to him that is all he should be required to do. I am doing the cooking and should not be because of the location of the drainage tubes. but does he get this fact hell no he don't. would be one thing if I really wanted to eat which my appetite is minimal right now hence the gatorade the v8 and the ensure and broth that I am doing because of it. like yesterday all I ate was a grilled cheese and had to choke that down even though I did not want it. today it was turkey salad. ate part of it the other went in the trash. since this surgery and because of the severity of it my stomache was involved with the gangrene and if I put to much in it I start throwing up. and my newest best friend is maalox advanced cherry flavor. I am allowed no pain meds not even very much tyneol because of the issue of the liver trying to shut down.

the first week in the hospital I was so out of it as they had me on morphine every 3 hours then to loratabs and then to nothing the last 4 days I was in there.. all I can say it is a good thing I have high tolerance to pain or I would be up the creek without a paddle. but then again that was what created the issue that I did not know I was that seriously ill. I thought I just had a really bad virus. now picture this. 2 days before christmas eve day I had started the throwing up and not being able to hold much of anything besides water down, and it was like that until that sunday after christmas. I had a great surgeon he actually saved my life. If I had waited 2 more days would have been no point in going to the ER as I would have been dead it was that serious. He told me yesterday in his 30 yrs of practice he has never had a case as bad and as life threatening as mine. he said he never remembers patients but he would remember me and mine. He worked hard to save me and I am very appreciative of having him for my doctor. He told me I would owe him a bottle of Vodka for saving me. to me he is worth that and so much more.

which I had a really bad holiday and start to the new year and spent my BIRTHDAY in the hospital! of all places. so yea I will remember the end of 2009 and the start of 2010. wooo hooo go me. just like something I would do.

I am looking forward to a real honest to god shower and hair washing. you do not know how much you miss something so simple as that until you can not do so. sponge baths are not all that great. which i could shave my legs - can't bend over to do it- washing my hair in the sink in the bathroom with the help of a glass and that is lots of fun as it is past my waist now. it is all the little things you do daily without even thinking about them that you really get slapped in the face when you are not allowed to do it.

I think not only is this being hard on me but also on my larger parrots that are use to lap cuddles as right now they can not be on me with all the tubes. they love to mouth my clothes. lets be honest I have clothes that are parrot friendly not by choice but because they have made them that way. these are just house clothes not something I go off in. so they do this and I know that so I know I can not hold them. they are out on their cages and on the tree stand but they are not happy with it. my macaw sydney keeps lifting her foot begging to get in my lap. I talk to her and explain to her every time she does it why she can not and I show her why. I tell the big cockatoos the same thing and show to them. people think I am crazy as I talk to them and let them know what is going on. Like when I have to go to the doctor I tell them I will be back soon I have a doctor appt. they understand more than you think they do.

I even do that with dogs also. speaking of which we have or I should say he has a chocolate lab that is 3 now. we have had her a year. he left a cinder block out by the above ground koi pond and he went out there the other day and caught her standing on the block on her hind feet with her paws and head hung over the side watching the koi swim around. kodak moment and no camera in hand. always happens that way you know.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Sunday Evening

Today is Sunday the day you get ready for the start of the week. usually that is. in this case though it is a start of more tests (tuesday) and the surgeon on thursday.

Spent a lousy holiday season, the first of the year and my birthday in the hospital.

I thought I just had a really bad virus seems like it was much more serious than that. I had gallstones so bad that they were in the liver and the pancreas's and my liver was shutting down and it was starting to flow over into my stomach all of it had gangrene so I am very lucky to be alive. the surgeon said 2 more days and I would have been dead. and they could not do the 3 little holes for the surgery although I have them to but I am cut all the way from my stomach to my side. just another scar to add to the road map, lol and dang I have STAPLES IN MY DAMN BELLYBUTTON

I am still not out of the woods yet but will be so happy when I am. I am looking forward to a decent shower (can't right now because of stuff came home with me) and a decent hair wash. have you ever tried to wash your hair in a sink? it sucks!

Ok my cockatoos and macaw has been on a screaming kick all day long. nothing made them happy. some days it happens. mostly when hubby is home and the fact that they are clinging to me because they are afraid that I will disappear like I did when I went to the hospital.

and I have a jerk for a hubby right now as he is having to pull weight with stuff I normally do and right now am not allowed to do by the doctor. even though he knows it he still has to act like a child about things

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Just a note

This is my little place to talk about life with our parrots, my quilting and life in general.

So if you do not want to follow on my meandering around on different topics then this is not a blog you would be happy following .

This is mostly for me to write about things that I face every day. Especially important for me as I live with Bipolar Disorder and sometimes I need to write about what is going on to keep my sanity.

So happy reading